Help… My Child’s Got Another Duck!

Picture this your child gets out for nought they’re angry, they’re upset, and it’s the third game in a row where they haven’t troubled the scorers.

and you’re there watching them, wondering whether to step in, say something, or even just leave them alone.

Yep, most cricket parents have been there.

and there’s no perfect response.

No, but there are some ways to make those difficult moments just a little bit easier.

And that’s what this episode is all about, how to support your child through the many highs and lows that come with playing cricket.

I’m Nathan Wood.

and I’m Briony Brock.

Welcome to the Cricket Mind Podcast.

So last week, Cricket Mind ran a workshop for parents aimed at helping them provide useful support for their cricketing sons and daughters. And I thought the questions that were asked were all very thoughtful, very honest, and I think familiar to anyone supporting a child in the game. So in this episode, we thought it would be a good idea to work through some of those.

questions that came up in that workshop. ⁓ But before we do, what were your reflections, Briony?

Yeah, I I think it was a really useful workshop, both from our end to get some sort of feedback and real insights into what parents’ experiences are, because we obviously work with a lot of young people, so we hear the child’s perception of things. And I think it was really useful and interesting to hear the parents’ perception of things.

Yeah. I mean, all parents, we want to help, don’t we? But the nature of the game can make that very difficult at times. Scores are very visible and dismissals can feel final, and selection can feel personal. And it can be hard to kind of know for a parent when to step in, when to say nothing and kind of how to not.

accidentally make the game feel heavier. So I thought it was really fascinating and hopefully helpful to the parents. So yeah, we’re going to answer those questions today and we’ll work through those questions.

Yeah, I think also off the back of that, we’ve had some parents book in for sort of one-to-ones with either of us or both of us. And I think that’s something worth highlighting as well is that we don’t just provide support to the cricketers themselves, we can provide support to parents and make them feel a little bit more empowered when it comes to supporting their children as well.

Yeah, yeah, I’ve got one tomorrow actually. I’m looking forward to having that different perspective because we do work a lot with players and some coaches, but parents one-on-one, it’ll be interesting to see how that goes. So looking forward to that. Right, the first question that we’ve got from that workshop is this. What should I say? This is a common one. What should I say when my child gets a duck?

Okay, so the first thing I’d say is to not rush to fix it. And by that, I mean you’re not trying to fix the emotions, you’re not trying to fix that disappointment, but you’re also not trying to fix the reason for it, the technical reason for it either. So a simple response might be along the lines of, “That was tough, I know you wanted more today”. Or, “I always like coming and watching you”. Or, “should we go and get a drink and chat when you’re ready”? We kind of… As a parent, your role is to

support your child. You’re not their coach. You’re not kind of trying to fix their cricket. And we also want to separate what happened just then to who they are and how you might feel about them. ⁓ So ultimately as well, they’re sort of upset that they care. ⁓ Sorry, they’re upset because they care. We don’t need to remove that disappointment, but we can help them sort of process it, move through it, and then later on perhaps talk about maybe what you’d like to take away from today.

⁓ but it’s so common and it’s something we hear a lot, really well intentioned, wanting to get rid of the negative emotions that their child is experiencing. But actually one of the greatest gifts you can give is to help your child realize that they can experience emotions like disappointment, upset, frustration, and still be okay. And that confidence and that resilience that we talked about before doesn’t come from never having those difficult emotions or having getting a duck, but it comes from learning that

you can handle them when they do happen and you can still be okay.

Hmm. Yeah. I mean, couldn’t agree more. A duck though, in a game of cricket, it can feel much bigger than it looks on a scorecard. If you don’t play cricket, you don’t really understand how a duck feels, do you? Players do care deeply about their performances. And like you said, as a parent, the instinct is often to try and make things better straight away.

But again, what you said, they don’t need analysis immediately.

They know they wouldn’t have got out if they’d have played it straight. They don’t need you to playing it straight as you’re walking off the pitch.

Hmm, yeah. Yep. Good advice, Briony — What’s the second question that we’ve got?

So the second question, this is a really good question, why does cricket feel so individual when it’s essentially a team sport?

Well, cricket’s a bit odd, isn’t it? ⁓ Because it’s a series of one-to-one battles which are played out within a team context. There’s also that sudden death element which does make cricket different to a lot of other sports. When a batter gets out, there’s no immediate opportunity to make amends, whereas in football, like the World Cup that’s going on at the moment, you can miss an open goal but then score the winner

in the last minute of the game and you can go from zero to hero in a flash. But in cricket, when you’re out, your innings and sometimes your game, it’s done. It’s finished. It’s over. You kind of sitting there watching the rest of the match, thinking about the one ball, the one shot, you know, the one decision that you could change. And the truth is the same for bowlers. We do talk a lot about how it affects batters, but

For bowlers, a difficult over is visible to everybody. The runs are on that score sheet, that scoreboard. And also a player can be part of a winning team, yet still feel deeply disappointed with their own contribution, which is why it’s not always helpful for a parent or anyone to say, “It doesn’t matter, the team won”. The player may be happy that the team won, yet still feel

upset because their own experience was difficult and disappointing. And I think those, well, both those things, they can be true at the same time. Now, the team result, it does matter, but so does that player’s individual performance. And we’ve talked about this quite a few times now that modern day cricket, it can be even more intense because everything is so visible.

⁓ Scores, bowling figures, averages, strike rates, and all those stats they’re immediately available. And to everybody, players go on to play cricket, parents go on to play cricket, and they compare themselves with the teammates, they compare themselves

with players in other teams and they begin to, or they can begin to build a story in their head about where they sit in that pecking order. And so before they’ve had time to process their own game, they may already be judging themselves against someone else. But the issue isn’t that stats exist. Stats

can be useful because they help players to understand the patterns of their own game and to track progress over time. I think the problem is when a young player begins to believe that the numbers are their identity. ⁓ You must have a view on that and you must see it quite a lot actually where identity and performance become very closely linked.

Yeah, it’s really common and, and you often think it will get better when you have good performances, but then, then there’s pressure to maintain the good performances and there’s pressure to be that match winner and to save the team. know, whatever role you have in the team, you can interpret pressure within that. And it’s quite difficult. I think I like to ask people, and I think it’s interesting reflection point for our listeners is “would you rather perform well and lose or would you rather perform poorly, but have your team win”?

And I think that can provide a bit of insight into how you or your child feels about their role and what’s important to them as an individual. I think something I always encourage ⁓ is sort of curiosity. It’s very easy to tell children in particular, but to ask doesn’t always come naturally, but to sort of be curious about their experiences and the emotions and thoughts that they have around their cricket can be really interesting and enlightening.

And young players, they do improve in different ways and at different times and at different levels. And often the signs of that development, you know, aren’t always visible on that scorecard straight away, are they? And I think parents can have a huge influence here through how they approach that, how they ask those questions and the things that they notice. So if…

The only questions after a game from a parent to a son or a daughter are like, “how many did you get today?” Or “did you take any wickets”? Then the message becomes your value comes from your output. Now, of course, that’s not what parents usually mean. It’s something to say, isn’t it? But it can be what the player hears. That’s what’s the important thing. What is the player hearing?

Yeah. So in those circumstances, it can be helpful to broaden that conversation. What did you enjoy today? What was tough? What did you learn? What do you want to keep working on? Is there anything that, you know, anything that you did today that felt brave? ⁓ Questions like that, it just takes the focus off the end outcome, doesn’t it? Yeah.

And i think what you said about metrics as well, and I’m sure this will come up with the further questions is if you are a parent of a player that’s playing recreational cricket and you know their batting average, that’s a bit of a red flag. I just asked you how, you said your team are playing on Saturday and I said, who are they playing? How are they in the league? And you said, I don’t know. I don’t look at the league table. Even if your child doesn’t know that you know their batting average, that’s

just tells me and children are incredibly perceptive, probably tells them as well that that is what you see as important. And on the extreme end of the scale, you have parents who show, oh look, my 13 year old is the highest wicket taker in the club. But that is just, as you said, they’re perpetuating that message that that is what matters when it comes to cricket. And you tend to see those children stop playing at some point.

Yeah, yeah, you do. I mean, there is an important balance here in so much as, I mean, look, this is not about pretending runs and wickets don’t matter because they do. That is the currency of the game. Players do want to perform. They do want to contribute. They want to win games of cricket, but we want, I think as parents, want young players to understand that one innings, one spell.

one game, it doesn’t define them and having a bad day is not the same as being a bad player. So if parents can kind of show that perspective, I think it helps. I think it helps children to do the same. I think it gives them more freedom to take risks if it’s not all about the stats to learn from those mistakes and to enjoy the game regardless of the team result or even their individual performance. think one of the

Great places you can get to as a player, junior or senior, you have a bad day, your team has a bad day, but you still enjoy the day. There’s still been something that you’ve actually, it was worthwhile me kind of playing here. ⁓

think that’s a good point because cricket requires so much investment from parents to get their child playing. It’s not something that you suddenly are going to realize that they’ve been playing all along like you might with football. It requires so much investment, time, resources. And so it’s also understandable that parents want to see kind of that payoff. they get very involved in it, parents in cricket, because it does involve so much time.

I think that’s kind of a fact to consider as well.

Yep. Right. Very good. Move on to the next one. Okay. So my son puts huge pressure on himself, even though I try not to add any further pressure onto him. What can I do to help? Briony.

Yeah, this is such a common experience. parents will easily say they don’t put pressure on them, they just want to support them and all of that stuff. But pressure comes from so many different places. It comes from themselves, comes from play cricket, comparing with peers. A lot of these children players that we work with can have a range of coaches. So they might have one that’s really focused on being brave and taking risks. They might have one that’s…

focused on batting for a long time or something. So they’re getting a lot of noise and it’s actually impossible to please all those people. And so that pressure just builds up and up and up. And because of that as well, they can come become so attached to these scores, selections, status, expectations, and actually counter-intuitively praising them for a good performance can increase this fear of them underperforming.

Yeah, because it’s so sort of addictive when you get a good school when you get praise it feels so good that then you’re sort of scared of the duck because the 50 felt so good. And, and look, it’s it’s fruitless to try and persuade the child not to care. it doesn’t matter. It’s just a game. It’s really unhelpful. Instead, we want to acknowledge kind of like I said, with what to say when they get a duck, we want to acknowledge their experiences, you know, I can see

Yeah.

cricket matters a lot to you. And then we want to broaden their view of success, like you’ve talked about already. You know, what are you proud of today? What did you learn? How are you responding when things get hard? What should we work on? And over time that guides the child to see success is beyond metrics. ⁓ And you can sort of be more direct about it with constant messaging as well. You know, your cricket matters, it matters a lot, but it doesn’t define who you are because so often what we see with this pressure is their self-worth comes so tied

to their performance and they see every innings as like an evaluation of who they are as a person, which it just isn’t. And it’s so easy to try and alleviate that by reassuring them, no, but you did really well or all of this, but it sort of creates a feedback loop where they’re unstable and they need reassurance that they’re okay. But actually if we sort of just acknowledge those feelings and then maybe later on talk about

Was it fun? Was the team environment good? You know, that curiosity again, can sort of reduce that focus a little bit.

Yeah. So I’m thinking back to when I was a young player and over a period of time, would, so let’s say I scored a decent score and I’d kind of walk back from school and I’d be looking forward to delivering that news to my parents because I knew that the first question that they were asking is,

How did you do? What score did you get? And when I said, I scored 100 today, I could see the proudness in their eyes and the joy. But conversely, if I didn’t do so well and I came in and they asked me, oh, I got a duck today, I could see it in their eyes. And so over a period of time, I used to either skip back home

can’t wait to deliver the news or I wouldn’t want to. a ⁓ couple of episodes ago, it might have been last episode, you weren’t on it, but we had Faisal Shahid on and he was talking about before play cricket when parents didn’t know what you scored. If he had a bad day, his dad would say, how did you do? He’d make a score up. Yeah, I got 30 odd. And I did the same.

Actually, I did the same. So look, I mean, often players, they just want to prove that they’re good enough. And I think the aim as a parent isn’t to remove that ambition because I think the ambition can be healthy if kind of coupled with a broad perspective. Caring about your cricket can be healthy.

But I think the aim is to stop every game becoming a test of their self-worth. I think that’s the thing, isn’t it?

I think you can even experiment or strategize. Your parents, if go back in time, could have a bit of a strategy, which was right after cricket, Nathan walks in the door, we give him a cup of tea and we say, was the game? He says his score. say, did you have a nice time? Have a plan of what you’re going to say because emotions do take over and you can’t, as I said, the children are perceptive. You could see the disappointment, but if you have a little bit of a plan, a little bit of sort

a post-game family strategy that’s consistent, whether they get zero or five, five hundred, two hundred, then again, they know what to expect, the child knows what to expect, and you’re playing that role as a parent rather than just one more judge evaluating them.

Brilliant. Yeah. Cause it kind of moves the attention away from those scorecards, doesn’t it? And the performance stats and it back towards the enjoyment and your intent and your prep. And I think it does feel, well, I think it helps if that home feels emotionally stable when you come in and you know, a big score. doesn’t need to become a major event, does it? And a poor score — it shouldn’t change the atmosphere.

around them, your child should feel valued in exactly the same way, regardless of whether they’ve scored 50 not out or whether they’ve scored a duck.

And I don’t think any parent out there would want their child to feel fearful of coming home and telling them how they’re done.

Absolutely not. No. It’s just very easy, isn’t it, to give that emotional leakage sometimes. Good advice, Briony

Okay, next question. What should I do when my child gets angry, cries or has a meltdown after a poor performance?

Tough one. Yeah, tough one. Probably one of the hardest things that a parent has to deal with really because those strong emotions, they can feel very, very uncomfortable, particularly if it’s in a public setting like a cricket game and you’ve got other parents there and spectators and other players and officials or whatnot. I mean, there’s so many times it can happen, your child might…

start crying after getting out, they might get angry after you know they’re bowling and a fielder drops a catch off them. I’ve seen plenty of players kind of throw a bat or slam a helmet down.

I mean in the women… I’ve also seen No, you go on.

Sorry, Briony.

I was just going to say, I’ve seen the other side as well where they withdraw and they go very, very quiet. There’s kind of different ways in which they can kind of show that emotion. What were you going to say?

I was going to say in the women’s T20 World Cup, which is on at the moment, one of the, I think it was Darcy Carter playing for Scotland who looked, they looked close, but not quite batting second. And she got out and she started crying as she was walking off the pitch. And similarly, Deandra Dottin was bowling, wasn’t coming out how she wanted it to. And she was crying at the end of her mark. Her teammates had to come and support her. So it’s not, it’s not a

It’s an uncommon experience to express your emotions like that.

Absolutely not. I mean, like you’ve just alluded to it, this happens in every, every level of the game from junior cricket through to professional and international cricket. Some of the changing rooms in professional cricket, the maintenance man has a full-time job because people just come in, crash bang wallop when they get out. I think Lord Ian Botham was on a podcast the other day telling a story about Viv when he came in and he

through a bat straight through the window. I think it was at Old Trafford Showering all the members with shards of glass. So yeah, I it does happen. But it’s not just the player, is it, that feels those emotions. I think in those moments, let’s say a child gets out for a low score, the parent will feel a mixture of emotions themselves.

particularly if they see a reaction from the child and the parent might feel worried, they might feel embarrassed, might feel frustrated, bit unsure what to do. ⁓ So yeah, I think the first thing to understand is that strong emotions don’t automatically mean that the player has been difficult, badly behaved.

overly dramatic. It just means that they care deeply and they probably don’t have the tools in the moment to manage the intensity of what they’re feeling. ⁓ like I think we said before, a young player particularly, they might not yet be able to separate. I had a bad moment from I’m a bad player that separate things.

They may not know how to bring themselves down after frustration and they may feel exposed in front of teammates ⁓ and parents. So I don’t think the priority is to correct the emotion, is it? You’re not going to do that. It’s to help them. I think the first thing is you help them come through it safely. And I think that what’s the best way doing that? Well,

No.

You’ve got to keep your own response calm. ⁓

Don’t use many words, think. Keep the words to a minimum because they’re probably not hearing them anyway. And definitely, definitely avoid any kind of performance review. All telling them to calm down.

Well, I had a game a few weeks ago, probably months ago now. where a boy, 10, I think he was, got out and then he was upset. He’d batted really well. I think he got 42 or something and he just played a really nice innings and was disappointed to have got out. Dad approached him on the, I could see he was disappointed as he was walking off. Dad approached him on the boundary. Come on, you really need to stop this now. Come on, you did well.

snap him out of the sadness. And one of the other children actually really astutely said, I don’t think that’s what he needs. I think he just needs his dad to be nice to him and give him a hug. And I was like, you’re spot on. It’s just like if it was physical pain, you wouldn’t be saying, don’t be silly. It doesn’t hurt that you’ve dislocated your elbow. You’d be saying, ⁓ come here, have a hug. Do you want some water? Is there anything I can do?

Absolutely. You know, when emotions are high, people just do not take in information like they do when they’re in a calm, logical state. so

Whatever somebody says actually, however well intentioned, it is very unlikely to land if it’s too complex. ⁓

And it boosts that feeling of shame. No one wants to be angry or cry in public. And if someone sort of says to you, really shouldn’t be so emotional, you then just feel a bit more ashamed of yourself, which is the last, the least helpful thing for them to be feeling.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I think, look, give them the space, let them calm down and, you know, once they’re calm and that might take a while. It might not necessarily be that day later on. it might, People, alot of players will think about this for quite a while and sometimes that suits that player. They need a bit longer to come out of it. And actually they are probably learning.

They are probably learning in that period. So you don’t necessarily need to add layers to that. once they’re calm, once they’re a bit calmer, then that’s the time to perhaps have a conversation or not. Sometimes just be a parent, let it go and let the coach kind of get on with it. But if you are going to have that conversation, it’s not just the words as well, it’s the tone, isn’t it? And I always think that

You do not want to come from a place of judgment. You want to come from a place of curiosity, don’t you? What was going through your mind? What made that so difficult? What could you try next time? So it’s kind of, I think that curiosity, it helps players to begin to understand their own emotional kind of journey. And then they might start noticing that…

Well, actually it starts, I start spiralling with a bit of negative self-talk or it happens when I feel like I’ve let other people down. ⁓ But once they start recognising those signs, that’s when they can start to build a bit of a routine, like a reset routine, which is something that you do and we do here with a lot of players at Cricket Mind.

we help them with those reset routines. Sorry, Briony ⁓

Yeah, I was going to say that idea, I really like, okay, so if that happened tomorrow, what would you do differently? Because it feels productive, but it’s also encouraging reflection and looking at what got you to that position and how you could do it differently next time.

Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, summary. The goal is not to develop a player who never gets upset. I mean, we’re human. ⁓ We’re all going to get upset at some point and we do. ⁓ Cricket on top of that, it can be very, very emotional. does take you through a bit of a roller coaster and disappointment is normal. So I think the goal is help them recover ⁓

kind of more effectively, get them to learn from those difficult moments and you know help them to come back stronger resilience for that next ball the next over the next game. Yeah. Right. Have we covered that one do you think?

And yeah, very comprehensive.

So, ⁓ penultimate question and it’s about trials. So, Briony how should parents support a child at trials, at cricket trials?

Well, this is a tough one. Trials can be so difficult because there’s so much uncertainty. Even if that child’s been through the process before, you know, the coaches might be different, the other children might be different. It’s just quite an unknown quantity and it’s quite hard to prepare for that. Um And of course the child usually wants to go to the trials and impress, make an impact, but that can often create pressure and tension and actually stop them playing.

the game, their natural game, which has got them nominated in the first place. And I think something that someone once said to me from a coaching perspective is if you’re selected, you’re selected based on what you can do, not what you can’t yet do. So really focusing on what you can do now, they’ll work out the rest. Although with the caveat that it can feel like the selectors or the people that make these decisions always make the right decisions.

but actually they’re humans like anybody else. And if you don’t get selected, it doesn’t even mean you weren’t good enough. And it certainly means that you weren’t, it doesn’t necessarily mean you weren’t good enough cricketer. And it certainly doesn’t mean that you weren’t a good enough person. It’s just somebody’s decision at that time. And we might’ve all made a different decision. But sort of coming back to messaging, I guess, a helpful message to reinforce can be

Your job isn’t to impress, your job is to demonstrate your cricket. So playing what you’ve been doing so far, normally when you get to these days, when you get to a proper trial, you’ve probably submitted a video or there’s something that’s got you to that stage. So there is something there and it’s keeping doing what was there before. From a parent’s perspective as well, I think you want to avoid making the trial feel bigger than it already is in the child’s eyes. For them, it would be massive. As an adult.

It’s sort of a bit less, we can put it in proportion a little bit more. Before the trial, you want to help them prepare, help them pack their bag, make sure they have a good breakfast, help them arrive calmly, maybe do a bit of a run through, a bit of a visualization, you know, just to get them to think about what it might be like to go to the trial. And then afterwards, again, a bit of curiosity. What was it like? Did you enjoy it?

Were there any other nice children? Did you learn anything? How was the experience? And you’ll find if you sort of probe a little bit with curiosity, you’ll get things back, even if somebody’s, you know, normally a bit like, ⁓ yeah, it was okay. It was a bit nervous. Okay. Well, did the nerves ease after you got going or did they stick around? You know, just try and understand what their experience of the trials were like. ⁓ And then when it comes to selection.

I was thinking about this earlier actually. think if there’s a selection date, it could be useful before that selection comes through and before you know whether they got selected, have a little chat about them as a person, them as a cricketer, so that they have that foundation there and they recognize that whatever that decision is made, it doesn’t change everything that you felt immediately beforehand. you know what I mean. ⁓

Because selection decisions are influenced by so many things that are beyond their control. The most valuable outcome of doing a trial isn’t necessarily getting selected, but it’s learning how to manage pressure, uncertainty, external evaluation, skills which will translate to the rest of their lives, really helpfully. And then I guess the last thing would be have a plan for once that selection comes through or after the trials, like take them out for a drink or,

drink, I mean like a milkshake or something. Or go to the cinema or watch a movie. Have something that you do regardless of the outcome that reinforces that idea that their cricket is not the most important thing about them and they have so much value and there’s so much joy to have beyond that.

Yeah. Yeah. Sound advice. Completely agree with all of that. And, ⁓ we’ve actually got our next workshop is on trials, actually helping players prepare for trials. So if you fancy that it’s a parent and player workshop that, so if you, if you fancy it then, then yeah, ⁓ we’d love to see you. ⁓ good point. Good, good point about trials. It’s not the place to show that you haven’t got any weaknesses.

Yeah. selectors aren’t looking for that. They’re not looking for the finished article. Now they’re looking for who’s got potential and who’s got strengths. And they want you to basically play your game and, you know, play your game and showcase what you’ve got. And they understand that you’ll make mistakes, but they’re not looking for the players who make the least mistakes. They’re looking for players who, you know…

They think you’ve got something and that’s why you should always kind of look to play to your strengths in those situations. Very good. Okay. Have we got one more question?

Absolutely.

Yes, and this is a really interesting question. I’m really intrigued to hear your answer to this.

What happens when you are the coach, manager, or umpire as well as being a parent?

Right, well, firstly, if that is the case, you’ve got a lot on your plate. ⁓ The reality is that many junior teams couldn’t function without parents volunteering their time. And being a coach or a team manager and or an umpire in that situation, it can be hugely rewarding.

But it can also create a very difficult balancing act because your child sees you in more than one role. You might be the person organizing the team, setting the standards, making decisions, doing the coaching, umpiring a game. But at the same time, you’re still their parent. And I think that your child needs to feel that they’re not being judged by you all the time.

So for me the most important thing is to be clear about which role you’re playing in a particular moment. So during a match, if you’re acting as a coach, ⁓ or manager or umpire your communication needs to be calm and brief and fair and definitely don’t give your own child more instruction than anyone else. Because actually I’ve seen

parent coaches, managers, etcetera, they can go both ways, can’t they? They can either ignore their child completely or kind of you know, give them more attention than than other people. And I bet you’ve seen that quite a

I have. Also, umpiring, you’ll see some that are perfectly happy to give. They’ll basically always give their child out LB because they don’t want to be seen to be biased. You’ll see others that will never ever give their child out.

Yeah. Yeah. And so you’ve got to be even, don’t you? And and also, again, this is this is hard, like we’ve been alluding to being a cricket parent, but when they make a mistake and you’re you’re in one of those roles, try not to, you know, show your frustration. ⁓ you know, if you are a coach, in that moment you are the coach, aren’t you? Right. ⁓ And you’ve got to be careful that they don’t feel as though

It’s their responsibility for protecting your reputation or making you look good in front of the team. This is definitely not about you, it’s about the all the players, not just about your child. And I do think that as adults, we it’s worth reminding ourselves that young players they notice far more than I think we give them credit for.

Yeah. They do notice that raised eyebrow, they do notice the sigh. They do notice whether their parent gives them a different tone of voice compared to other players. they just they just notice whether they feel more pressure if your mum and dad are in charge. Now that doesn’t mean you need to be

distant or cold like I was alluding to before, it just means that you need to be conscious of being fair, I think. and I think also it can be helpful to think in advance about how you’ll manage the transition after a game. So once your team responsibilities are done and dusted, you do need to make a deliberate shift back into being parent. Yeah. Into being mum.

or dad. And that will help them to understand that like you said, they’re not under that constant assessment scrutiny. Yeah. ⁓ and then I think the wider environment around junior cricket matters matters too, you know one of the things that came up in that parent workshop is about the reaction of other parents, wasn’t it? Yes it was And they

The bottom line is you can’t control you know what other adults do on the boundary. There were examples of other parents shouting instructions, comparing their children to yours, which is very difficult to keep emotionally regulated on. But I think what you can do is you can model

the environment that you want your own child to play in. Yeah. So that might mean — it’d be you know it’d be good to get your examples here, but yeah. Applauding good cricket from both teams or keeping your own reactions measured after mistakes. What what you know, what w what would you say there? How can you model a good environment?

I think it’s always helpful to think of what your aim is. And I would say like a very helpful aim and I ran a tournament recently and I got all the umpires and parent managers around and I said, my aim for this is that all the children leave this wanting to come back and play cricket again. And if that’s your intention behind your role, then it’s much easier and clearer to see what appropriate behaviour looks like. if that’s your angle,

There is no help or use at all of sighing or getting cross ⁓ or correcting. It’s really all about positivity, support, finding the little things that people do well, praising effort, staying positive, looking calm and chilled and smiley and giving off that energy. But if you go into the game and you think…

we’d better win this game. These are our rivals and I don’t really like the umpire that umpires for them and some of their kids are a little bit, ⁓ we really need to win this one. The children will pick up on that. They’ll see your attention. They will feel it. They will catch it and it won’t be a fun positive experience. Even if they do win, it won’t feel fun. will feel, thank God we won. That would have been rubbish if we didn’t.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, so I think just be aware that you do have different hats to wear as a parent when you’re a coach and an umpire, ⁓ etc. but just be fair in how you treat your own child and their teammates, and then I think look the bottom line is your child at the end of the match or afterwards at home, they need to know that you’re on their side, whether they’ve had a

Brilliant day or whether they’ve had a difficult one. Yeah. You gotta go back to being mum and dad. Yeah. After the after that role is is finished. Yeah. ⁓ tricky, it can be fantastic, it can be it can be challenging, can’t it, Briony But

I just one thing on the umpiring — I would encourage rotating the umpires if you can, because for the child as well, it can be, if majority of their club cricket experiences are with you out there in the middle with them, it can make it even more difficult to play county or to play school or to play games when you’re not there. So I would, and it’s actually the same as any parents spectating. I don’t know how you feel about this, Nathan, but be there sometimes.

But don’t be there others. Give them that space and that freedom. Again, if they think, God, you’re sort of making yourself be there at every game, is that because you’re keeping an eye on me? is that, do know what I mean? It’s just kind of try and admit that cricket’s great, it’s fun, it’s not the whole world, but it’s something that we love and have your actions sort of flow with that.

Super, super good point that. And actually, there is value in you not being there sometimes. There there are certain players actually who are at the other end where they need their dad or their mum at at every game because it might become a bit of a superstitious habit or it might be a bit of comfort for them. But let’s say you you you you know you you are there every game, the the player likes that.

But then you can’t be at a game. And that game is a trial or it’s a it’s a game where they’re wanting final, I don’t know, and you’re not there. So I think actually it’s very useful for players to go periods of time when mum and dad aren’t there. Yeah. So that they can get used to it. Because there will be a time when you’re not gonna be there and it might be a time when they really really want ya. So yeah, super good point that Briony

And if you’re not there, then don’t sit at home and play cricket. And then when they get home, say, I saw you got out for a duck.

Yeah. I watched every ball. I was I was watching ya. You can’t get away from my gaze, yeah. Yeah, sometimes a bit of distance is very, very helpful for the player. And also for the parent. Yeah. Have a break sometimes. Yeah. Right, I think that’s it for the questions. Yeah. ⁓ Hope they’ve helped in some way. If you’re a parent, you know, of a a young cricketer or not so not so young.

Exactly.

and like I said before, we’ve we’ve we have just released details of our next workshop, which is kind of focused on helping players perform at their best in trials, or at least kind of preparing well for those trials. And that workshop, like I said, is open to both parents and players. And you can find those details and book your place on our website at ⁓ Cricket Mind.online — So thanks for listening or watching and please do subscribe to the pod if you don’t want to miss any future episodes. So Briony shall we call that stumps?

Let’s see you next time.