Episode 14 of the Cricket Mind Podcast with Laura de Silva & Charlotte Bernstein
Some of the biggest challenges in cricket are not always technical.
They are emotional.
Confidence. Belonging. Pressure. Enjoyment. Feeling valued. Feeling safe enough to fail.
In this episode of The Cricket Mind Podcast, Nathan Wood and Briony Brock are joined by coach Laura de Silva and Middlesex player Charlotte Bernstein for a thoughtful conversation about why players continue playing cricket — and why many quietly drift away from the game.
It is a conversation that goes far beyond women’s cricket.
Because whether you are a player, parent or coach, the themes are universal: relationships matter, environments matter, and the experience of cricket often shapes whether someone develops a lifelong love for the game — or slowly loses it.
Cricket has more opportunity than ever — so why are players still leaving?
On the surface, cricket appears to be in a strong position.
There are more programmes, pathways, competitions and opportunities than ever before — particularly within the women’s and girls’ game.
But as Laura points out during the episode, opportunity alone does not guarantee retention.
Players do not stay simply because a pathway exists.
They stay because they enjoy the environment they are in. Because they feel supported. Because they feel challenged in the right way. Because they feel understood.
And perhaps most importantly, because they feel that they belong.
Charlotte speaks openly about the role friendship plays in her cricket experience. Club training nights, shared dinners after sessions, teammates who understand the pressures of the game — these are not side benefits of sport. They are often the glue that keeps players connected to it.
For coaches and parents, that is an important reminder.
Not every player continues purely because they dream of professional cricket. Many continue because cricket becomes part of their identity, community and emotional support system.
The best environments balance challenge and enjoyment
One of the strongest themes throughout the episode is the balance between fun and challenge.
Laura explains that good coaching environments are not simply about “keeping it light” or making everything easy.
Players still want to improve.
They still want to feel stretched.
They still want standards.
But those standards must exist inside an environment where mistakes are safe, development is individual, and improvement is viewed as a process rather than a judgement.
That distinction matters.
Too often, young players experience cricket environments where failure feels personal.
A poor innings becomes “I’m not good enough.”
A mistake becomes identity.
A dip in form becomes panic.
The best coaches interrupt that spiral.
They help players separate performance from self-worth.
Laura repeatedly returns to the importance of trust between coach and player. Trust that players will work hard. Trust that coaches will support rather than shame. Trust that failure will be met with learning rather than fear.
That kind of environment does not remove pressure.
But it changes how players experience it.
“Unlucky” isn’t always helpful
One of the most memorable moments in the episode comes when Laura explains that she has effectively banned the word “unlucky” in some coaching environments.
At first, it sounds harsh.
But the reasoning behind it is powerful.
Calling every mistake “bad luck” can sometimes stop players from learning.
A poor decision is not always unlucky. A mistimed shot is not always unfortunate. Sometimes it is simply feedback.
And importantly, mistakes are allowed.
The goal is not perfection. The goal is growth.
This is where the conversation becomes particularly valuable for parents and coaches.
After difficult moments, many adults instinctively rush to protect players emotionally. They soften everything. Reassure immediately. Remove discomfort.
But resilience is not built by pretending disappointment does not exist.
It is built by helping players process it properly.
The timing of feedback matters. The tone matters. The relationship matters.
And often, what players need most is not panic or over-analysis — but calm perspective.
Confidence is built through experience, not empty praise
Nathan raises an important point during the episode around “real confidence”.
Not surface-level positivity.
Not inflated praise.
But confidence that survives difficult moments.
Laura’s answer is insightful.
Confidence comes from helping players develop both technical skills and emotional tools. It comes from creating environments where players can take risks, make mistakes, recover and improve.
Charlotte’s reflections reinforce this perfectly.
She describes feeling supported to push herself, take on bigger roles, and believe she belongs at higher levels of the game.
That is not accidental.
Players build confidence when environments consistently communicate:
“You are allowed to grow here.”
For many young cricketers, that message is transformational.
Pressure is not always the problem
Interestingly, Charlotte explains that she actually enjoys pressure.
For her, pressure sharpens focus.
That will resonate with many ambitious players.
But the episode also highlights an important truth: pressure itself is not necessarily the issue. The issue is often how players interpret pressure.
When pressure becomes linked to fear of judgement, fear of failure or fear of letting others down, enjoyment can quickly disappear.
Laura makes an important observation here:
“It’s really hard being good at something.”
Talented players are often assumed to be fine because they perform well externally. But internally, they may be carrying enormous expectations.
And many players who eventually leave the game are not untalented players.
They are exhausted players.
Players who no longer feel free to enjoy cricket.
Players whose pressure has outweighed their enjoyment.
“Stop making it about you”
Towards the end of the episode, Nathan asks both guests what coaches, parents and players should stop doing.
Laura’s answer is immediate:
“Stop making it about you.”
It is a simple line, but an important one.
Adults can sometimes become emotionally entangled in young players’ performances. Selection becomes personal. Scores become emotional. Outcomes become reflections of parenting or coaching.
Players feel that pressure.
Often more than adults realise.
The healthiest cricket environments are the ones where players feel ownership over their own journey — supported, guided and challenged, but not emotionally burdened by the adults around them.
That perspective may be one of the most important takeaways from the entire conversation.
The real reason players keep coming back
What makes this episode particularly powerful is the combination of perspectives.
We hear from an experienced coach who deeply values relationships and human development.
And we hear directly from a young player who explains what those environments actually feel like from the inside.
Together, the conversation becomes a reminder that participation in cricket is rarely sustained by talent alone.
Players stay where they feel safe enough to be challenged.
They stay where they are understood.
And if cricket truly wants to retain more players — especially in the women’s and girls’ game — then those human elements cannot be treated as secondary.
Because long-term development is not just about producing better cricketers.
It is about helping people want to keep playing in the first place.
Watch Episode 14
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